I was looking through old MS documents and found this. Coulda been from about 7-8 years ago. Anyway...

1.      I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, everyone knows me there.

2.      I don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

3.      Sign in Chinese pet store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”

4.      Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

5.      If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “Terminal?”

6.      I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many who got elected.

7.      The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no set-in value.

8.      Shopping tip: you get shoes for $.85 at bowling alleys.

9.      I'm nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I'm perfect.

10.  Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

11.  Nobody ever said, “It’s only a game!” when his or her own team is winning.

12.  Roses are red, violets are blue, I have multiple personalities and we do, too.

13.  Have you ever noticed that in most books and movies the villain is only in the place where the hero is?

14.  Murphy’s law: Your nose only itches when your hands are full.

15.  Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

16.  I tried to work in an apple juice factory, but had to can the job. Couldn’t concentrate. So I got a job as a woodcutter, but ended up too bored. Then I tried a tuna factory, but the interview got too fishy.

17.  You are unique, just like everybody else.

18.  “Wise Sages of Chelm” is a redundant oxymoron.

19.  He who laughs last thinks slowest.

20.  Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you get him off your back for the weekend.

21.  Don’t walk in front me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just shut up and leave me the **** alone.

22.  Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

23.  Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

Got this off an email.....

Subject: Fwd: New Drugs for Women!
 
This is cute!

Currently Reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) By J. K. Rowling see related

The flu. And I was only two days away from finishing in-class drivers ed. And from what I hear there's not another one for about three months. Perfect. It was around 70 yesterday and i was stuck inside with sore muscles and nothing good on tv.

I also need to stop spending on Amazon.

Never ever go see a movie after 8PM. Michael Clayton was dull, dull, dull. I don't think I've ever fallen asleep at the movies before. Next time Mom and Dad can have their night out alone unless I have the gut feeling the movie is going to be at least somewhat good. Either that or going to sleep early.

The sad thing is that for me movies are begining to lose their charm. Exceptions will no doubt be Harry Potter, Narnia, and any Discworld movies. After I go through my Netflix list I'm canceling my subsription and try to spend money on books, which you don't have to wait til after Shabbos to use.

Almost went to the doctor today, then found out my insurance isn't working yet. Job Corps will AWOL you unless you show them a doctor's note. So easy; you just take a professional-looking piece of paper, scribble something nearly unreadable on it with a fountain pen, and turn it in.

Did I mention I missed MD elections because of the ****ing weather?

Haha my birds can imitate coughing. It's funny because it sounds cute and when they do it my skull and spine don't shatter.

Mmmmm, eating in my bedroom. Almost worth getting sick. Definitely a nice break from school meals. Veggie stew or tortallini and tomato sauce?

Currently Reading Guards! Guards! By Terry Pratchett see related

Really a month and a half of no writing? Whoa.

Not much to write about, mostly old stuff.... so i'm mostly here to bitch because it upsets me so much. Yes, it happens and yes, people do get over it  and yes, it's not forever. But I'm going through it right now so saying that kind of thing really isn't comforting or helpful and is rather tasteless. 

I'm only 33% of the way done with my class. that means if I'm at a rate of 10-11% a month I still have seven months to go before I graduate, which may or may not include working off-center and does not include the drivers ed I have no idea if I'm getting....

I'm so suprised they haven't made the campus the equivalent of a military academy. Most of the students are enough like animals to need it. Honestly, I've seen colleges where the students are so much more grown-up and mature and don't need all the restrictions and the uniforms.....and the room checking at 4:30 in teh morning....and curfews......

The only thing that makes me happy is when I'm working on a project. It also makes me stressful but at least I'm busy and accomplishing something. The rest of the days is stress from fighting over the only microwave in the cafeteria (I have to eat TV dinners and cant take them outside the building) with people who think their dinky slice of coffee cake or handful of cheese is better than my pathetic meals (vegitarian stew or tortallini with tomato sauce?), seeing everybody eat whole meals and good deserts and access to a nice salad bar while I have a little semi-cooked meal and a few slices of bread, then trying to sleep while girls who are supposed to be in bed making loud noises outside the hallway with teh RA yelling at them to shut up. I've gone through at least four roomies in four months, not all of them for good reasons. Other times I'm holed up in my room because there's nothing interesting to do, I'm only allowed off-campus a few days a week, the TVs show nothing but MTV and BET, I don't do gogos and I don't smoke and hanging out with about 250 other students who use vulgarity for at least a forth of their sentances makes me ill. And there's the heat they can't fix. Fist it was freezing cold and now it's 80 degees and the only way to be comfortable is to have a rickety oscilating fan going with the room door open to ventilate the air since we're not allowed to open windows. I hate winter.

On a happier note, my Bro turning 18 and I made that coffee tabl and a (still in progress) podium for my dad and I'm more than halfway through my 60 permit hours....